Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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