Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
