Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
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