Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
