there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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