Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
