It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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