2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
