My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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