i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
