dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
