not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
All the doctor said was why
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
