I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just had sex bonerless
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
