so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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