Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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