The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
