hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
