very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
thus making me awesome and them whores
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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