i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
