he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
