I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
