I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize