I have demons in me.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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