Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
