I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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