he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
