Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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