So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
