he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
