Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
