I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
