Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
