Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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