I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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