Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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