She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
