I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
