How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
