Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
