Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
