NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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