Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
