Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
