its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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