I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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