Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize