You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
