What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
