He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
