so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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