yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
