so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
