Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
