I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
