I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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