he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
