Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I have fence marks all over my body
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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