Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
