you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
