my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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