The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
