Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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