what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
