I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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