how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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