just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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