I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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