i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize